Earlier this week I sat down to write the daily 1,667 words needed to complete Camp NaNoWriMo and I didn’t want to. Just the thought of writing filled me with dread. I couldn’t really pinpoint the feeling.
It was then that I asked myself a question. Why didn’t I want to write? I was doing so well before. After a few moments of thinking to myself, I knew the answer. The story was boring. I was bored because the story felt boring to me. The characters were at a stand still. They were looking for clues but weren’t getting anywhere. I wasn’t getting anywhere.
I knew that I didn’t want to stop writing Crimson Queen. I’d told myself that I wanted to complete most of the story this month. If not most, then all. I didn’t want to change my goal completely.
Coming to terms with this, I looked back at all my plot and character notes. While some of it had changed, the intention and direction was still there. I still so much content left to write.
So, I finished the scene I started the day before. After doing this, I forced myself to move on to the next scene. I needed to move forward. And so I did. Saying this, I wasn’t always capable of skipping a scene and moving on to the next one. It took baby steps like summarising, leaving comments for myself to go back to, and even writing a different version of the scene all together. It was enough to get me to this point.
Once I had a ‘fresh’ start, I wasn’t bored anymore. I was excited. Writing the daily goal for that day didn’t take very long. My fingers ached by the end of it but I was done. Goal complete.
Looking back at it, I’ve come to realize how far I have come since starting out. Being able to skip scene is huge for me. I was the type of writer who had to get every word perfect. The scene had to be perfect. I could not and would not move on until it was. I remembered getting so fustrated and stressed out because the words weren’t coming out like they were suppose to. It got to a point where I stopped writing the story altogether for weeks on end and focused on something else.
I am very grateful that I am not that writer anymore. I have the strength to move forward and focus on the scenes I want to write. Sure, I still have to remind myself that I can always come back to something but that doesn’t always happen. Then I start asking myself, ‘would I regret not finishing this story?’ and the answer is ‘yes’ all the time. It’s the small things that keep me going and I know that I am not alone. I just can’t let my struggles stop me.
Kassandra Carrillo received her B.A. in Creative Writing from the University of Houston. She enjoys writing dark paranormal fiction. However, she has dabbled in writing fantasy as well, science fiction, western, short stories, poetry, and script writing but she prefers writing novels. In her spare time, Kassandra edits, proofreads, and copy-edits college essays and writes content for Gameway (ANDi Games Ltd).